Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Wrapping Your Mind Around This

I was chatting with a colleague of mine the other day about the work we do. He is a case manager for a state department that works with adjudicated youth. I work with and live with kids who come from very challenging situations. We were commenting that people outside of our world would have a hard time believing some of the stuff we deal with everyday. Kids who are considered sex offenders before they’re 18, kids who’d rather get locked up than go home, kids who are suicidal, kids without goals and aspirations, kids so used to failure and so afraid of success they sabotage any achievement, kids caught up with gangs because it’s the only place they feel accepted and cared for, or kids who perp other kids because it’s what they know. How do you explain the balancing act between holding someone accountable and pushing a little, with the worry it might have been too much and you’ve pushed them over the edge? How do you describe the feelings you have while you watch a young person escorted out of your building in shackles—wrists, ankles, and waist?

I’m a big fan of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and go back to that model when working with our challenging kids. How can we expect any other type of behavior from our kids when their basic needs of food, shelter, and safety haven’t been met? Sometimes what we see as “behavior problems” are really just survival skills.

We, as a society, are failing our kids. How do we break the cycle? I admire the work my colleague does—he treats his clients with dignity, respect and expectation. I admire the work my staff does—they provide a nurturing environment of acceptance, expectation, accountability, and belonging. Our influence is limited and time sensitive. We have to push a little harder sometimes and hope the safety nets we set up aren’t shredded.

6 comments:

  1. yep, before I got my kids I had not idea how trauma nd neglect early in life made such a difference... thank God for safety nets!

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  2. Great post! I agree, it is a matter of survival, because the basic needs were not met. The question is...is there a way to "fix" it? Im a psychology major (almost done with my Bachelors)who wants to work with troubled youth, so your post was right up my alley! Welcome to bloggyland.

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  3. Just hopped over from Mama Drama. I love this! It often feels like a race against time to try and build some of the foundations we hope our children will be able to carry with them when they leave us.

    I wish you and Mama Drama could be foster parent mentors in my county! I so admire the work y'all do and the love y'all give. Thanks for being shining examples for those of us just starting out!

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  4. Scooted in from Mama Drama's link! I so agree about behavior problems being survival skills. and that is sooo hard because building a trust bond that they don't need that particular skill set anymore isn't exactly an easy thing to do. Now i have to challenge myself technologically and try and make myself follow your blog. Last time I tried to do this I wound up making my blog follow itself. Truly! ROFL

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  5. Great post! I am a big fan too (was a psych major and have counseling degrees) but became an even greater fan since seeing how my use of it has been helping my eldest. I decided to "overdo" the meeting of his basic needs (at least the ones developmentally appropriate for a 10 year old) and focus only on those and have seen him make a genuine move towards articulating needs at the next level! It has been a great tool for me!

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  6. Thanks for finding me and for the great comments. Sometimes it does feel like our heads will explode!

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